I just pulled a load of whites out of our washing machine to discover that one of my wardrobe's staple shirts had been splotched with a light brown, and black fuzz coated everything else. How did that happen?! I have no dryer to get the fuzzies off everything, and I don't trust the washer to re-run my shirt through.
In addition to this annoyance, I have no measuring cup to really cook, no book to read when I'm bored out of my mind, no computer (Shane's been taking it to school) to look up the things I don't understand in my study book, and no money to go shopping even if I knew where to go.
The list could go on, but it only took me that long to realize that my unhappiness really stems from my stress. Stress over board exams. Stress over trying to study in between week and weekend-long trips. Stress over the fact that I still can't seem to remember basic, repetitive information that I've been seeing since the beginning of my PTA program. Stress over the knowledge that I HAVE to take the exam within 3 weeks of getting home and I don't feel the least bit prepared. Stress over the possibility of failure. And I can't even allow myself to think beyond the stress of boards...finding an apartment, paying loans and bills, finding a job to pay those bills, fear of sucking at my job, the monotony of an 8-5 job for the rest of my life...I would go insane if I stressed over everything at once.
And I'm not sure how to handle my stress. Today I'm tired, my mind is lethargic, and I can't seem to focus on review material, much less new information. Shane has the computer, so I can't type my notes on previously covered material, or take a practice test to see how much I really need to be stressing out. (But when I do have the computer, I do anything but study.)
I've decided that other than my immediate family (and of course Shane), I'm not going to tell anyone when I go to take the exam. No friends, no classmates, no one. That way if I fail, no one will know--which is probably a large portion of my stress. Failure is one thing, public failure is another. So please pray for me as I wade through my studies and anxiety. I guess all I can do right now is keep trucking and pray for a miraculous memory these next few weeks.
On a different, brighter note, Shane and I have been having a mild war over what pets would be acceptable to own a few years down the road if we got married. A few months ago, I wanted a bunny. He didn't like that idea. Then I wanted a cat. He didn't like that idea either. Then I wanted a puppy. And you guessed it--he didn't like it. Now, Shane doesn't read my blogs very often (shame on you) but for the sake of when he does, I should be clear that I'm not trying to put him in a bad light (aka the animal-hater light). Shane simply has a problem with indoor pets. He doesn't like stepping in pee on his living room floor any more than he likes being covered in hair when he gets up off the couch. And I agree with him 100%. But that's not where it stops. Whether indoor or outdoor, he also doesn't like the cost of pet food, vets, kennels when we want to go on a trip, or the time spent running them, training them, feeding them, etc.
On the other side of the coin, I want nothing more than something furry and cute to cuddle when I get home. I'm a fairly moody person (hey at least I can admit it!) and I just know that a pet would keep me smiling more often. It worked when I went home to my parents' for Thanksgiving and was introduced to the cutest teacup chihuahua I've ever seen.
I had a glimmer of hope a while back when we visited a cat shelter for leisure one Saturday afternoon and Shane found, out of the million there, a gray, short-haired (very important to him) cat that reminded him of the only cat he's ever loved--Atticus. (I know, I was shocked when I found out he loved a cat too.) Atticus was his childhood cat and I have a feeling no other pet will ever hold such a place in his heart. Maybe that's why, as he and this cat looked into each others eyes, I could feel a bond forming. I could also feel a glimmer of hope forming in me. Maybe we could have a pet after all! But alas, my apartment didn't allow pets without a fee, and his house's landlady didn't either (even though HER cat left disgusting black hairs all over that I was still finding when cleaning the kitchen right before Shane moved out.) So we left with no kitty, and once outside all his signs of love for cats disappeared.
We have now been talking dogs. I would love His and Hers dogs. Shane has of late been acting set on a miniature pinscher like his sister's, (the one below isn't hers though)...
...and I really want a cute little pug (it was a spur-of-the-moment desire...but how can you resist that face??!)
Shane has since vetoed the pug idea, based on how fat they are. :( So my next hope is a teacup chihuahua like my parents'. Look how cute they'd be together!!
I also want a gray Atticus kitty that Shane will fall in love with too...
...and a white bunny.
But that is to be determined...and probably vetoed by Shane. :)P.S. Shane--I promise they'd all live outdoors!...if you build them a cozy house. :)
Did you know you can train bunnies to use a litterbox? I'd go with one cat, though, if you want less mess. Or a small, short-haired dog that you can bathe- like Tidbit :) Sometimes I long for a dog, but I've decided that I'll keep it to one pet at a time. That's partially based on the way Dennis cringed when pets are mentioned and partially based on the fact that the one pet I already have isn't at all thrilled with other animals tromping all over her domain. So right now it's Ami, and she's one of the best as far as cats go. She's not clumsy, she uses the litterbox and never pees on my bed , she doesn't tear stuff up (except every once in awhile she chews on loose paper), she's quiet, she generally stays of kitchen counters and places she's not allowed, she's not needy, she knows her name, and her hair while long is easy to pick up because it's very very fine and sticks together instead of flying around like -ahem- some cats' hair does.... :D
ReplyDeletei so need to marry an animal lover. dont know if i could compromise.
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